favorite sundance story

My friend Robb brings this story back from Sundance. He went to the Dance, as he now calls it, to try and learn how to get a film in the Dance, which he discovered isn't easy. He's got a film, and it's traveled a short circuit, but he'd like to take it up the mountain so-to-speak. Robb's not very patient with pretense so it wasn't long before he tired of the bling bullshit and headed out for some back-country snowshoeing. He figured all the hot shots would be skiing and if he opted for something more pedestrian then he could more likely find some solitude.

So he finds a place to rent some shoes, which he said was pretty easy, and then he hitches a ride to a state park not far out of town where they have snowshoeing and cross-country skiing. Unknown to Robb, it's also a trail head for snowmobilers, which Robb despises in the backcountry because of the noise.

Robb said it wasn't too bad once he got a mile or so out, but the parking lot was just yowling with all these Parka People - that's what he called them. All the latest hi-tech gear and you could see they hadn't been off-trail in their life, but here they were, with the best guide that money could rent, and ready to go tackle the great outdoors.

So Robb goes and does his thing. Has a great time, lot's of fresh powder, solitude, can only occasionally hear the whine of the mobile in the distance. Gets back to the lot and he's hanging out, sorta checking people out, trying to figure out which one of these folks might not be so uptight as to give him a ride back to town. There's this one guy, and Robb can tell by looking at him that he's some kind of money, Lexus sedan, 200 dollar shades, tan, and a blond in the front seat. Complete stereotype of the nouveau riche, but Robb says he can't take his eyes off the girl, she's so drop-dead gorgeous. Well they're dicking around getting their shit together, eating a granola bar, sipping a cappacino or something, and the guy has got his trunk open and the stereo blasting like he's some kind of gansta'. Thumpin' away, and the whole time Robb says the fuckwad is yakking on the phone like he's trying to close some huge deal or something and never saying a word to the girl. Robb's watching this whole thing and can't believe it, and then there's the girl, Robb just can't take his eyes off the girl.

Here's where it gets unreal. Robb's hanging out, chilling, looking around, when this black bear comes sauntering into the lot, nosing around, out of nowhere. Now this time of year, this bear should be snoozing, so Robb, who's never ever even seen a bear, much less one this close, so Robb is watching the bear very intently and wishing he hadn't left his camera back in town, but the bear seems intent only on finding some grub as he makes his way around the parking lot.

The bear is nosing around looking for food, and after awhile he sees the trunk open on this dude's Lexus. So he goes over and starts rummaging through the trunk. Shit starts flying out the trunk, shoes, luggage, a briefcase, all kinds of stuff as the bear is looking for food. Robb is watching this whole thing, kinda in shock. Then he hears the woman say, "OH MY GOD!" and she punches her partner in the shoulder. Well, then the dude looks in the rear-view mirror and then he gets out of the car, and then this next part is just unbelievable.

Robb watches the guy, walk quietly, very quietly, to the back of the car. The bear has his paws on the back of car and his head in the trunk and by this time the bear's found some food so he, the bear, isn't really paying attention to anything but his prize. Robb watches the guy walk up and slam the trunk lid down as hard as he can on the bear's head and paws.

When this happens the bear jumps up and the guy takes off running and the bear after him, but he quickly knows enough not to keep running so he stops. And then the bear stops. And they just look at each other. The bear does a fake charge, which just about makes the guy shit his pants, but then the bear goes right back to the trunk.

Then, unbelievably, after a few minutes of being at a standstill, the guy walks up to the trunk and THWAKK! does the exact same thing, this time even harder. Trunk down on the bears paws and then the guy backs away. The bear kinda lets out a yelp, looks up at the guy like he's going to eat him, and then back to the food in the trunk.

Robb can hear the woman in the front just kinda whimpering, "Please be careful honey. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Got it covered. Don't worry. This bear's going to rue the day..."

Ok, here's where it gets really crazy.

The guy has smashed this bear's paws twice and lived to tell about it. You'd think by now he would have known better, that maybe he saw that Treadwell movie or something. But no, the bear is still rooting around in his trunk and he wants to go. He's in a hurry. Deal time or something. Who knows? So the man goes up to the trunk and for the THIRD time, BLLAMM! slams the trunk down on the bear's paws! Even harder than before. But he doesn't run he just stands there like he's challenging the bear.

The bear stands up, looks over at the guy, makes a few grunts, then the bear reaches over and takes his paw behind the man's neck, pushes the man's head down into the trunk, and SSLAMMM! as hard as he can, the bear slams the trunk down on the man's head, and then the bear turns and ambles away.