Friday, June 29, 2007

purple food, purple food

Purple food is rare in nature, but good for you. Here are some purplish foods. Sockeye salmon with pomegranate reduction and fresh bing cherries. I ate a hand full of dried cranberries before supper and then forgot to toss them with the spinach. Beets, the most purplish food of all, and OK roasted or made into borscht would also have been a nice addition. However, it is too early in the season for beets where I live and honestly, they weren't missed. Blanched yellow beans and julienned spinach aren't purple but are still good for you and tasty.

m.o.i.: purple food, purple food
m.o.i: standards updated
m.o.i: bison burger
m.o.i: chili 'n out
m.o.i: bioaccumulation
m.o.i.: inventory reduction dinner
m.o.i.: autumn trout
m.o.i.: life is corny
m.o.i.: Fruit cobbler for breakfast?
m.o.i.: post-modern breakfast

the perfect water shoe

As one who has been searching for the perfect pair of water shoes for some time, when I recently read an article that some men were paying $250 for a pair of Hermès flip-flops, well I had to know more. The difference is apparently in the rubber, the problem is that they are still flip-flops, which I like to call slip-flops.

As a child who hung around the pool, slip-flops were standard issue. As a child who hung around the pool and who loved to run around outside the pool as much as inside the pool, also de riguer was the slip-flop injury.
The slip-flop injury is where you stub your toe and subsequently drive the toe strap between the webbing of your toes. It splits the webbing between your toes and it hurts. A lot. Because your feet are also dirty from running around in the dirt while wearing slip-flops, dirt will be driven deeply in the newly formed crack in your skin. Because of that, and because the next week you are likely to repeat the same injury, it is unlikely to completely heal for the rest of the summer. Luckily the chlorine in the pool staves off serious infection, but it does sting a bit coming and going from the water. It's annoying, but you get used to it, and by the first of October, the open wound will dissipate into scar tissue. Slip-flops are like tequila shots - they're fun, safe around the house, but to use them in public is to risk permannent injury.

The next major important invention in water sports footwear appeared to be the Teva sandal. Invented by white-water rafting dudes. Whoa! They must really know what they're doing. Over the years I've owned as many pairs of tevas as slip-flops and they've always disappointed. They're a fine sandal, as long as you just wear them around the house, don't get them wet, or try to do anything outdoors in them - kinda like house slippers.

Once, invited to go bass fishing on a secret farm pond by a co-worker I broke out my latest pair of Tevas. As any bass fisher knowns, the secret farm pond holds great promise of the lunker bass. Lunker bass who have never seen a Mepps spinner and who can't resist your action. This farm pond was everything it promised to be. Large enough to grow some big fish, plenty of cover around the edges, and shallow enough to wade so that you reach the entire pond with your cast.

It being a hot summer midwestern day, I opted for quick-drying shorts and Tevas. I scoffed when my co-worker donned his clunky, rubber chest waders on a 90 degree and 90 percent humidity day. We would be wet, but he would be bathed in his own sweat. We waded into the farm pond to better to cast back against the shore. Within minutes, the macrophytic growth was grabbing the straps of the tevas and pulling the velco off and the tevas with them. I stuggled all day to keep the tevas on my feet for to be without any sort of foot protection while walking around on the muddy bottom was asking for a trip to the emergency room to extract an ancient bottle shard or a rusty hook. Given my distraction, I only caught a couple of small bass and those I returned to the water so that someday they might enjoy lunker status. My co-worker, was sweating profusely, not from the waders, but from the exertion of pulling in 3-4 pound large mouth bass at nearly every cast. When asked at the end of the day how he did, he modestly pulled a stringer of 8-10 monster bass up and said " Here. You want ém, I only keep a few. My freezers already full of fish."
Teva's have also been advertised as a shoe that can go straight form the water to the trail. If you've every tried this, you know it's possible, but once on the trail, the lack of support is almost as large a problem as are the constant pebbles which fly up and lodge themselves beneath your heel thus inducing yelps of pain when you step down and create a stone bruise that won't heal for months.

This brings me to my latest attempt to find the perfect pair of water shoes. Once I read that the gay boys were spending $250 on rubber, I don't feel so bad about only spending $90 on my pair of Mion's. They appear to be made from recycled pop bottles. Once you get over the strange, clunky look about them, they are quite comfortable as they come with an removable insert that quickly molds to the shape of your foot. They also have only one lace, which you pull and then the whole shoe is brought snug around your foot. They have more support than most sandals, which I like and toe protection, which I also like. They also come with impregnated anti-microbial compounds - which I dislike since this stuff is becoming a ubiqutious environmental pollutant, in part due to its incorporation into seemingly everything sandals, toothpaste, cutting boards.

It does have some weird things on the toe box that my daughter thinks look like ipod speakers. Next year's model will likely allow you to wirelessly pipe your i-tunes through your sandals while you prowl the beach. One of the plastic retainer clips that holds the speed lace broke on the second day to be replaced by a small piece of twisted telephone wire. Walking a mile or so in the heat of the summer can cause blistering as your feet sweat and the plastic rubs your ankles. They do adhere well to your feet. If you bury your foot in river sand you can extract your foot along with the sandal, but expect also to dredge up a molded foot-bed's worth of sand and small pebbles to go with it. Also, silt-sized particles can get inside the plastic release button that allows you to free the laces making it difficult to push and remove the sandals for dumping out the water and sand.

So, the Mion's seem to be an improvement. They pass most, but not all of the tests. We are still looking for the perfect water shoe and am certain that shoe-makers are as well. Perhaps the perfect water shoe it just a heavily calloused foot. Unfortanately, moi is a tenderfoot.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Last night Larry King, in an effort to provide a network eclusive, announced that if the criminal would have him, he would dump his wife and marry her on the spot. P.Hitty, although flattered, politely refused. Larry, in disbelief, asked his attorney, via the call-in line, to rescind serving the divorce papers on Larry's wife, Shawn Southwick, who was dining at the Playboy mansion. Southwick, watching and listening via one of the 100 flat panel screens that are prominently displayed throughout the mansion, was incensed and threated to countersue. Hope prevailed anew, when Hef (via a live remote feed), clad in silk pajamas and surrounded by his three girlfriends, mediated a settlement between Larry, Shawn, and P.Hiddy that included a discussion on open and honest marriage to be televised live on a Barbara Walters' exclusive.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

your feets too big

Here's one way to relax in the late summer evening. Sit back, listen to the warm rain fall, and put your feet up in a pair of hand-knitted socks. Honestly, I think only about 3 people in world must still know how to hand knit a pair of socks and I happen to be fortunate enough to own a pair. While a large portion of the world seems determined to go tearing it apart it, isn't it comforting to know that there a few people hard at work trying to stitch it back together?

poodle released from bush's care

Champion Blair Tony of 10 Downing Street to compete in upcoming Mideast trials.

99 dollar brain surgery

Feeling a little down? A little misunderstood? Does the Man have his foot firmly planted on your neck? Is it the heat, or the stupidity? Need to garner some sympathy? Need an excuse for flagging productivity? For being late-for-work? For missing that all important birthday? Anniversary?

Get help fast with the 99-dollar-brain -surgery hat. Don this cap, and when confronted with your failings, you simply mumble unintelligibly, feeble point to the hat, and voila, instant empathy

"Oh my God!, what happened?" "Are you OK?" "Is there anything that you need done?" "Is it serious?" "Please tell me it was benign?" These are just a few of the responses frequently heard. by the wearer of this cap.

So if your health insurance doesn't fully cover self-diagnosed brain disorders or if you need a psychological hug and your checkbook is lower than your spirits, opt for the 99-dollar-brain surgery hat. One size fits most maladies.

m.o.i.: 99 dollar brain surgery
m.o.i.: hat's off
m.o.i.: rare west tibetan mountain dog


Monday, June 25, 2007

new U.S. airliner prepares for launch

Embargoed until: June 26, 2007

Office of the Secretary to the Minister of Information

Citizens have been asking, "Is it time yet?"

The answer has repeatedly been, " err, NO!, not a chance, maybe, not quite yet, soon, perhaps, some day, almost ready, once we clear this next hurdle, maybe then..." Exactly. More excuses than a top-level Department of Homeland Security official.

The last check point has finally been cleared and we are happy to report a singular expression of freedom, "YES!"

A. Bitterman, airline co-founder, expects the maiden voyage to depart Kansas City the 13th of July, a Friday. When asked, where did you get the idea, bitterman responded, "I stole the idea from Al Queda and reimagined it as an aesthetical idea capable of encompassing outcomes over time."

Homeland Security Secretary, Michael Chertoff offered no comment on the launch of Bitterman Airlines. The Office of Homeland Security did release the following statement for citizens with summer travel plans beyond U.S. borders.

Adults who have applied for but not yet received a passport should present government-issued photo identification and an official proof of application from the U.S. Department of State. Children under the age of 16 traveling with their parents or legal guardian will be permitted to travel with the child’s proof of application. Travelers who have not applied for a passport should not expect to be accommodated. U.S. citizens with pending passport applications can obtain proof of application at:

This accommodation does not affect entry requirements to other countries. Americans traveling to a country that requires passports must still present those documents.

Travel document security remains a top priority for the U.S. Government. Both the 9/11 Commission and the U.S. Congress urged strengthening of travel documents to prevent entry of terrorists across our borders, reduce use of fraudulent documents, and speed up entry procedures.
[end quote].

Freedom still isn’t free, but rates have been reduced for the summer.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

dinosaur among pampered breeds

Today we celebrate a very rare show animal, the Rare West Tibetan Mountain Dog. Like the more common Eastern Tibetan Mountain Dog, they are a tribe of Chow. The breed is distinguished by its wheaten color, gentle tail curl, and lack of black tongue. Working dogs with incredible stamina, strength, and spunk they are said to have originated among Yangtze River clans where they served as guards on fishing boats until political turmoil in China forced many to flee into the mountainous regions of Tibet. The remaining population of Rare West Tibetan Mountain Dogs is believed to be less than 500 worldwide (fewer than 50 have been identified in the United States). Due to these restrictions, they are not a registered American Kennel Club breed, but have been known, in spite of the Rules Applying to Dog Shows to sometimes appear at Best-of-Show conformational events.
We illustrate the breed with two examples. The first, sire Man O' Spondy Lus Gigas (lower photo), ring name Trex, (rhymes with tricks and short for T-Rex). The 4-year old Trex was born on M.L. King Day 2003 and exhibits the classic features and soundness of his tribe.
Boy-named-Sue (upper photo), the largest example of this breed known to exist, still displays the playful nature and working man's mentality of the breed. Sue, was discovered and subsequently rescued by a pair of observant amatuer anthropologists who were roaming the streets of Kansas City during a late winter snowstorm in search of hot coffee and a donut. Repetitive Polymerase Chain Reaction (rep-PCR) genomic tests were used to confirm that this was indeed a rare breed.
Future posts will explore this clan in more depth and detail.

m.o.i.: rare west tibetan mountain dog
m.o.i.: hat's off
m.o.i.: 99 dollar brain surgery

Saturday, June 23, 2007

devil may care

This is my new friend. We met on the river. A little devilish, sometimes gets turned upside down, but all-in-all, a pretty good paddling partner, always smiling and ready to move downriver with little more than a gentle push.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

arresting news

Washington D.C.

Today the Justice Department issued an all points bulletion for Mr. Super Mario Brother, aka Super Mario, aka MarBro in the slaying of Capt. America. Capt. America was slain on the steps of the Justice Department while preparing to give testimony against those who would commit crimes against America. Critics charged that MarBro, who is of Italian descent, is a victim of ethnic targeting. Since the final episode of the Supranos aired just over a week ago, police actions against Italian-Americans have risen significantly, apparently in response to the weak ending and lack of retribution for the Tony's actions. Attorney General Roberto Gonzalez refused to comment on these allegiations.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

the rookie plays dumb

The Big Lug keeps making rookie mistakes. For someone who was going to be smart with the money, he's playing dumb. Real dumb. Let's do some simple math that even an accountant should be able to handle.

The city pays the Big Lug a $600 per month stipend to drive his itsy, bitsy Toyota Corolla back and forth to city hall.

The former Mayor, Kay Barnes, now esconced in her tomb known as the Sprint Center, rented a Huge Lincoln Town Car, for the Big Lug at a cost of $724 per month, or $8600 per year.

The Big Lug turned down the Huge Lincoln in favor of the itsy, bitsy Toyota. However, in addition to 2 months of the lease payments already made to the dealer, the city has agreed to pay the leasor of the Huge Lincoln $5,647.04 to get out of the 2-year lease agreement early.

So here's where the regular folks of Kansas City stand with regards to the frugal Mayor and his tranportation choices.

Annual car allowance for itsy, bitsy Toyota = $7200
2 months of lease payments on Huge Lincoln = $1,448
One-time payment for early release on Huge Lincoln = $5,647
Total cost for 1 year the for the Big Lug to be smart with the money = $14, 295

Increase over allowance for itsy, bitsy Toyota = 98.5 percent.
Increase over cost of Huge Lincoln = 66 percent

Amount of being dumb with the money = 100 percent.

Here's a suggestion for the Big Lug and how to be smart(ERRR!!) with the money. You live 6 miles from city hall. Let's say you work 6 days a week, and take off only 12 days a year (you're a hard worker). At the standard government allowance of 48.5 cents per mile (which includes the cost of maintenance, fuel, and insurance), it should cost you $14,550 to operate the itsy, bitsy Toyota. Seems a little high, but then again, so is the price of freedom.

Better idea. Much better idea. You live less than 30 seconds from a bus stop. The MAX bus stops in front of your house and also in front of City Hall. So why don't you take the freakin' bus to work? For $5 a day (or $1500 per year) you can get to work and spend less time than driving and parking your own car. Wouldn't that be a good example for the regular folk? It would cost about 10 percent of the cost of operating your personal vehicle. And when you're on the bus you can chat with all the regular folks who put you in office, most of who get absolutely NO compensation for driving to and from work.

Now that would be, Being Smart with the Money.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Mes Ailes à Moi

Hillary Rodham Clinton took another step into toward the bright, shining path of mediocrity when she chose "You and I" by Celine Dion to be her campaign song.

The song includes such poetic gems as:

"I can hear your voice calling out to me
Brighter than the sun and darker than the night"

as well as,

"And on and on this earth spins like a carousel"

The song is so full of white sugar that Type II types can be sent into shock just from a casual sampling.

For the Clintonians who forgot to properly vett the song, the singer and the song writers (Aldo Nove and Jacques Duval) are Canandian. The song choice seems a bit odd for someone who's running to be President of the United States. The song, first recorded in 2004, has also been used to promote Air Cananda's inflight service - another oversight or just plain stupidity?

Dion performed the song live for several seasons during her Las Vegas gig when she masqueraded as Elvis impersonating a lesbian. Lord, if only everything that was heard in Vegas, stayed in Vegas, Hillary would have a passing chance in 2008. Clearly her campaign is clueless about America regardless of the trippy, dippy diner where her and Bill sit down for a bowl of carrot sticks. They are about as hip as your grandparents but not nearly as endearing.

This song is a portend. Of the simple, backward-looking leadership we can expect from the so-called party leaders. If Obama counters with Fantasia's "Hood Boy" he's a lock.

Kucinich is the only hope for a thinking America. Check out his interview with Micheal Franti.

Monday, June 18, 2007

resurrection of the afterparty

Dateline Manchester, Tennessee.
Less than 2 hours into a Police reunion at the Bonarroo Festival, sensing the crowd unresponsive and his world stage presence diminished, Sting finally offered the ultimate sacrifice. Perhaps the crowd had peaked early. Pace is as important as a shade tree when trying to survive a day of mid-South heat and humidity. Regardless, Sting's offer energized the troops. They responsed by storming the ?what the f_ck stage? in hopes of extending the trippy tunes until daylight. His way lit by thousands of Zippos, the aged, age-less, rock star of Bethelem was carried aloft on a sea of hands in the direction of a very large wooden cross built by former Burning Man stage hands. To his credit, and that of his band, they never missed a beat. As the hypnotic riffs of Roxanne and the sweet smells of some kick-ass homegrown wafted over the scene, the crowd exploded as one in a super-charged, acid-drenched emotional pyre. "Dude!" one glassy-eyed fan shouted as he spewed beer over his party mates, "I think we've just witnessed the Second Coming."

Sunday, June 17, 2007

the flower project

Everyone should have at least 2 projects designed to change the world. Here's one called The Flower Project. The Flower Project has three very simple rules. They must be followed. There are no exceptions. If you don't like the rules, then get your own project and stay away from moi's.

The Flower Project.

Rule 1. Give someone flowers. Anyone. There can be no gender, race, or ethnicity restrictions to the gifting. The rule only states that you have to give the flowers IN PERSON to someone who is either a friend, or that you wish to be friends with. That's it. Ok. Let's review the very important rule number 1.

There are NO strings attached to the flower giving. NONE. So if you're hoping to give flowers in exchange for example, sex, or the promise of sex, well then that's a different project altogether called courting. You can still do that, and it can be part of the flower project, and moi definitely encourages you to do that, it just can't be the ONLY part of the flower project. Since there are no strings attached to the flower giving then when you give the flowers to someone other than your mate, spouse, or lover then they have no reason to be jealous. Unless you're hiding the fact that you're doing it and then that's a whole different project altogether and it's called deceit. The Flower Project is transparent. Also, you can't limit the flower giving to members of the opposite sex. You have to give to both sexes. Nor can you limit the gifting to any particular race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. Yes, this is going to be difficult for some of you, but remember, there are no strings attached to the giving so this can help prevent confusion. Remember there is a simple goal in mind with the Flower Project and that is TO CHANGE THE WORLD. Anything less is a different project.

Rule 2. You have to grow the flowers yourself. Anyone can buy flowers and buying and giving flowers is a very nice sentiment, but altogether a different project. In order to grow flowers you have to go into the world and be part of it and thus you are extending the project beyond the bounds of the act of giving and The Flower Project strives to be extensive and far-reaching. Don't worry about what kind of flowers to grow and give away because there are thousands of varieties and you can grow flowers anwhere, in a shoebox if need be. Once you grow some flowers and give them away you will find that it absolutely DOES NOT MATTER what kind they are. People love getting flowers. So grow on now.

Rule 3. Considered by some the most important rule. You cannot use any inorganic pesticides and/or synthetic fertilizers in growing your flowers. They have to be grown organicaly which is really, really simple. Put all that shit designed to kill the world in the hazardous waste disposal bin and start loving the world again.

That's it. 3 rules. Lot's of flowers. Change the world.

Example Application. These flowers, mostly native prairie plants with a few hybrid versions of them, were grown on the grounds of the World Wide Anthill Headquarters in Kansas City. Although sometimes difficult to intially establish, once established, prairie plants -- unlike their more domesticated, hybrid cousins -- are incredibly drought resistant and tolerant to all sorts of misery like late frosts. I picked these flowers for my friend Deb, who lives in California, which is a long way from Kansas City. Close readers of the rules will immediately note that this a violation of rule 1 - you have to give them in person. However, note this. It's moi's project, and moi, unlike you, can change the rules at any time. If YOU want to change the rules, then you should get your own damn project.

up, up, and my beautiful, my beautiful...

The Kansas City Royals mobilized a large contigency of reservists yesterday in a desperate attempt to stop their spiraling, abysmal decline toward another 100-loss season. Despite the still-smoking bat of their best player, Sluggrr, and the promise of young talent like Alex Gordon, Fernando Cortez, and Zack Greinke, the Royals still lack focus, intensity, and purpose. And pitching. And power. And an owner who gives a damn.
Prediction. A breakout year. They only lose 98.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

here they come to save the day

Dateline Kansas City.

Errr. No. Correction. Everything is not up-to-date in Kansas City. Far from it. The cities crumbling infrastructure, it's estimated 2.5 billion dollars in deferred maintenance, its public art even is in danger of crashing down around us. To help save the city from itself, a dedicated group of needle artists, in town for last week's Stitch and Pitch, banded together to mend the city. Using extremely large needles and thread they quietly wove their way through the city basting, knitting, pearling and pitching a helluva stitch all about town. The result. A fix to soothe our ravaged souls, mend our hearts, and keep us standling tall for at least a while longer. Silk is strong, friends. Stronger than steel and a lot more wearable unless your first name is Super.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

worst chinese take-out and delivery in kc

Kin Lin has been serving inexpensive, buffet-quality, Chinese food at the same location in Kansas City for 20 years. Some people like the food at the Kin Lin. I prefer the lighter Veitnamese fare at Saigon 39. Kin Lin's business is bolstered by a substantial walk-in trade from two nearby universities and an art school, and it's proximity to a middle-class neighborhood with a large number of double-income families. There isn't much time for cooking dinner and that frequently means take-out or delivery and those are good things for a Chinese restaurant that does both.

In all their years of doing business, they've had one delivery driver. His name is Martin. He prefers Marty.

The problem with the delivery at Kin Lin is Marty. Marty is a stalker and stalking is illegal. Although Martin is married and has 3 children, he likes to stalk single women that he discovers living alone in out-of-the-way apartments on his delivery routes. Martin is pathetic but he is also dangerous because he is scared of women.

I suspect that Martin has a long history of combing the city for vulnerable women on his delivery routes, looking for those who live alone, coming on to them, perhaps even occassionally scoring the extra tip. If it's consensual, I wouldn't have a problem with it -- except remember -- he's married with 3 children. When it's not consensual, it's illegal. And that really, really creeps me out.

That's Martin in the photo getting into his delivery car, a white Toyota Corolla LE with a sun roof, Kansas liscense plate, QFI 035.

If you've been the victim of a Marty stalking, then you should contact the police. The more police reports filed on Martin, the more likely his wife will learn what a scoundrel he is, and the sooner he will go away. If you do for some reason wish to order chinese take-out from Kin Lin (816.561.4334) and want it delivered, then tell the owners that you prefer not to have it delivered by Marty-the-stalker. Or if you want to call Martin directly and express your displeasure with his behavoir his phone number is 816-678-1638. Be sure to press *67 before you dial so Marty can't stalk you.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

puck this, weary traveler

Wolfgang Puck, the 21st-century Chef Boy-arTee, has agreed to begin selling the recently reintroduced, banana-flavored twinkies in his airport kiosks. Said the Boy, "Airport travelers are a frazzled bunch. They long for a taste of home, a little comfort, even a banana-flavored twinkie, when on the road."
Puck venues, which have become as ubiquitous as roastiserrie chicken and garlic-mashed-potatoes on the food landscape, is rumored to be toying with additional expansion. Tentatively named Frytalia, the new concept is being test-marketing in select midwest cities during the summer travel season. Often dubbed "Try It-Fry It" for those who've seen it, the concept is as sparse as nouvelle cuisine but infinitely more tasteful to soggy American taste buds. For an extra $2 per item, unsatiable and unsaturated passengers can take any item purchased from a Gourmet Express, such as peanut-butter on a ciabiatta roll, Genovese bologna sandwiches, or twinkies-on-a-stick, to nearby station whereby they can be flash-fried in 100% peanut oil. "The whole process takes less time than a text message," said the plucky Puck, "and is more tasteful than many of those pesky emails from the boss."

whup ass on-a-stick

Pope Benedict chided President Bush today to be ever, more vigilant in the War on Contemporary Art. In a subdued ceremony, the Pope gave the President one of Roosevelt Wilkerson's, Moses's staffs (the 10 Commandments on-a-stick. isn't everything better on a stick?) and instructed the Commandment-in-Chief to go forth and bring to bear a little mercy upon the backs of the untoward and unrepentant. The President responded by giving him a taste of his own staff, which he affectionly calls Capt. America.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

limited time introductory offer

The following questions were used to vett Jeb Bush for the 2012 election. Get out the dragnet for God and Praise Jesus, he did not pass. When I say go, you may turn the page and you have exactly 3 minutes to complete the questions. Please put down your pencils when I say stop.

Ok GO!

Paper or plastic or hemp?

Giants or Yankees? Dodgers or Yankees? Yankees or Red Sox? National or American?

Should George Bush's presidency have an asterik placed next to it?

Why can't the President dance? And the First Lady?

Bird or Trane? Mingus or Davis? Ellington or Ella? Billie Holliday or Nina Simone or Madeline Peyroux? Sinatra or Nat King?

To the best of your recollection when was the first time that you became aware of the fact that the President and Ms. Myers were having a tryst in the Rose Garden?

To the best of your recollection, when was the first time that you became aware of the fact that the First Lady and Condi were reading the collected works of Sappho together at a Georgetown book club?

Johnny or June Carter? George or Tammy? Kurt or Courtney?

Are you aware of any alien life forms living in our midst?

Who's more inept? Agent Fox Mulder or Agent Jack Bauer? More believable? More dangerous?

Dick Cheney shot a lawyer just to watch him die?

Which would be the best way to help? Don't cross that line. Get in the second chopper. Drop your weapon, NOW! Listen up to ole-timey music.

Why can't the soldiers in Iraq just click their heels together 3 times and come home?


in the queue

Review. Norah Jones and the Handsome Band with special guest M. Ward. June 4th, 2007. Music Hall, Kansas City, MO. Unofficial attendance. ~2200.

You know it's easy to dismiss N. Jones as eye candy, but we shouldn't fault someone for being symetrical. She is what she is, and yes, those locks ARE curly, and damn, she IS one fine bitch! She is much better looking than we are and surrounded by her assymetrical, but capable band, Ms. Jones can soothe the savage beast but can't yet get us to dance. However, she is young and she is learning, which alone demands we pay attention. We do expect the lighting to be up to union standards and tonite it was NOT. Such criticisms are not likely her fault, but hey, it WAS HER NAME IN LIGHTS ON THE MARQUEE. Want to be star. Make sure it all works. Or lower the ticket prices. Or move me. For less money, Iris Dement and Karin Allison moved me to tears. This bitch is pretty, but she won't make you weep.

The city, and this is the same city city that built the Music Hall in the heart of the deprsssion, should be pillared for not having an ATM nor serving Boulevard Beer at such venues. Music Hall managment should be terminated today!

Promising signs for the future. New arrangements for old standards with a Dr. J0hn influence. Admittance that she does not know how to properly tune her guitar. M. Ward.

Set list. I have no fucking idea.

After party @ J. P.'s Wine Bar. While N. Jones, M. Ward, and the Handsome Band dined on stale Gates B-B-que, the locals headed just around the corner from the art-deco inspired Music Hall for 70's platters and flights of casked scotch. The ratio of hipster less-than-30 year-olds to boring, white seniors (who else can afford the concert tickets?) was an order of magnitude greater than the concert venue. Jone should stop being smug about being a product of late 60's free-love. Look around. It not that uncommon. Hooking up is the term today.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Fruit cobbler for breakfast?

Yes, it can be done and without the guilt. Here's how.

Cobbler is essentially fruit with some protein, carbohydrates, sweetner, and flavoring added. Make the carbs and sugars complex and it sounds a bit like granola and fresh fresh fruit, doesn't it? Add some yogurt to the mix and you've got the typical morning starter. Mix it, bake it, and viola! Fruit cobbler. It's a two-fer. Serve with vanilla ice cream and you've got desert. Leftovers plain or with yogurt makes a great breakfast.

Simple. Quick. Prep time, 10-15 minutes depending upon skill level.

First assemble some fresh, seasonal fruit. This is an opportunity to use those less-than-perfect, very ripe, but still edible fruits.

In the house, Georgia peaches, California strawberries, and blackberries. Combine 1 cup each of peaches (skin on or off) cubed, strawberries halved, and blackberries whole in mixing bowl. Add 1/2 cup lemon yogurt (substitute plain or vanilla just don't use a custard-style variety), 2 tablespoons vanilla sugar (turbinado sugar stored with split vanilla bean for 1 week), 2 tablespoons maple syrup, 1/2 cup rolled oats. Teaspon of orange, lemon, or lime zest. Blend all ingredients. Pour into gently buttered gratin dish.

In a separate bowl cruble 2 cups of your favorite low-fat granola with cinnamon, chinese five spice, nutmeg, etc. to taste and 2 tablespoons butter. Sprinkle evenly over top of gratin. Bake in slow oven until edges bubble. Let rest for 10 minutes while the coffee brews. Yogurt on the side if you wish.

Yum. Yum.

m.o.i.: Fruit cobbler for breakfast?
m.o.i: standards updated
m.o.i: chili 'n out
m.o.i: bioaccumulation
m.o.i.: inventory reduction dinner
m.o.i.: autumn trout
m.o.i.: life is corny
m.o.i.: purple food, purple food
m.o.i.: post-modern breakfast