Thursday, May 31, 2007

it boggles the mind

a) Probability that any given person in the US will contract XDR-TB, or Extensive Drug Resistant tuberculosis, 0.024 percent. [number of estimated cases of XDR-TB in US divided by US population]. XDR-TB is also referred to as Extreme Drug Resistance TB; Extremely Virulent, Anti-biotic Resistant Strain of Tuberculosis; or the 98 Percent Mortality TB. Sources, World Health Organization, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and American Lung Association.

b) Probability that any given US researcher has access to extremely virulent, anti-biotic resistant strains of tuberculosis or XDR-TB. 0.0004 percent [estimated number of active researchers studying the XDR-TB divided by the estimated number of researchers in the field]. Source. U.S. Dept. of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics.

c) Probability that a person with extremely virulent, anti-biotic resistant tuberculosis contracted it randomly from a researcher who studies the issue. 1 in 10,000 [a times b].

d) Probability that the following statement by Dr. Bob Cooksey, a researcher at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, who studies extremely virulent, anti-biotic resistant tuberculosis said about Mr. Andrew Speaker, his son-in-law, who contracted an extremely virulent, anti-biotic resistant form of tuberculosis is true. "My son-in-law’s TB did not originate from myself or the C.D.C.´s labs, which operate under the highest levels of biosecurity.” Less than 50 percent.

e) Percentage of Americans who THINK the Department of Homeland offers them ADDITIONAL protection BEYOND RANDOM CHANCE ENCOUNTERS from perceived threats they may face, (does not include threats such as those posed by persons with extremely virulent, anti-biotic resistant TB traveling in and out of the country on commercial airplanes). More than 75 percent.

f) ACTUAL level of safety against REAL threats (not perceived) the Department of Homeland Security provides to American citizens. Less than 1 percent. Or from a statistical viewpoint, the level of safety provided by the Department of Homeland security is equivalent to what you might expect it the events were COMPLETELY RANDOM.

Again. You heard it here first. Trust moi to give you the stats behind the so-called facts.

you've lost that lovin' feeling

Petaluma, CA. News flash! Floyd Landis has called Phil Spector and Aledrei K. Lugovoi to testify on his behalf at his doping trial.

Spector, if he can be released from prison, is likely to testify that he never asked Lemond to "be my, be my little baby", while Luguvoi may suggest that the test results in question are likely a false-positive resulting from a cross reaction to trace amounts of polonium-210. Although not currently on the list of banned substances, most ruling bodies consider ingestion of polonium-210 to provide questionable health benefits.
Landis reportedly chose Spector and Lugovoi after noticing that both were enamored with a certain 70's sartorial flare. "The 70's and the head of the peleton are one of the few times when yellow can be considered fashionable." Landis, whose strict Mennonite upbringing forced him to be clad in black during his formative years and suppress a natural tendency to stretch the truth, has developed a fondness for colorful characters in the recent past.
Efforts to supenoa Jerry Falwell as a character witness were met by his untimely death. Lance "I did it 7 times with 1 ball"Armstrong is expected to testify that naturally-occuring testosterone is over-rated. No word yet on whether Tinky Winky will be called to the stand to demystify exactly what is meant when the LIVESTRONG braclet is worn on the left wrist.

m.o.i.: you've lost that lovin' feeling
m.o.i.: maillot jaune
m.o.i.: corporate money
m.o.i.: white hat, black hat, yellow jersey
m.o.i.: the 2-mile high club
m.o.i.: flance to wear zero for prologue

m.o.i.: give it up
stage 17 recap

Monday, May 28, 2007

summertime...and the living is easy

One of the best parts of summer is the food. So plentiful. So scrumptious. So simple. Here's a thorough and thought-provoking breakfast called Puy de Dome.

Wild Alaskan salmon tartare.

Hard-boiled eggs (free-range organic from Campo Lindo Farms).

Vidalia onions (from Georgia of course).

Toasted baquettes and sesame semolina (from Farm to Market Bread).

Fresh fruit and yogurt: blackberries, strawberries, and canteloupes (purveyors vary).

And as always. Several cups of very strong coffee (from the Broadway Cafe and Roastery).

Are you ready for an egalitarian Cat. 1 climb now?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

vrooM! vrooOM! vrooOMMM!

A Memorial Day tradition. Women in motorsports. Here Jeanetta Holder is shown in the winner's circle at the greatest spectacle in racing, the Indy 500. It was the 30th consecutive visit to the fabled pit row for Mrs. Holder, eclipsing the previous record of 2 held by Wilbur Shaw (1939-40), Mauri Rose (1947-48), Bill Vukovich (1953-54), and Al Unser (1970-71). Holder is shown here with Sam Hornish and his wife, a recovering anorexic.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

mark making

We are leaving our marks everywhere. This is not a print from the PopArt Show @ the Whitney. It's detergent suds and sewage scum in a local stream originating from a leaky sewer line. Moi wishes this were an uncommon occurrence, but that's not the case in Kansas City, nor would it be true in most other U.S. urban areas. Our infrastructure, like our population, is aging and cosmetic repairs won't save it anymore than they save us from our ultimate demise.

We are going to be spending millions (in some cases billions) in the coming decade(s) to address these problems. If we ignore them, the damage to our ecological resources will continue to increase in severity driving the ultimate costs even higher.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

noah's ass

was not a Meyrchippus. The Creation Musuem is set to open on Memorial Day in Lexington, Kentucky. According to their web site, the fabrication shop is busy with the final preparations, painting sculptures, finishing exhibits, and generally making stuff up. A product of the Answers in Genesis ministry, which purports to uphold the authority in the Bible from the very first verse, this musuem in nothing short of a wonder.

For example, although the earth (by their convoluted reckoning) is only 6,000-12,000 years old, Noah loaded his ark with dinosaurs, such as the Meyrhippus that are 11-17 million years old. So yes, the fabrication shop is very busy. Fabricating the truth. If they can't tell the truth about dinosaurs then how can they be trusted to tell the truth about the Bible, the origins of the universe, or other nagging questions. In short. They cannot be trusted since they don't know their ass from a Meyrhippus.

I encourage people to visit this musuem so that you can see first hand just how misinformed this ministry is about our world. And after you buy some cheesey souvenirs to give to your better-read friends back home, then please tell the staff that that you think fabricating the truth is very unChristian like and a load of horse shit.

Jesus said no to power and so should you.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

find the coot

There are lot's of mediated experiences in Florida. Why travel to the Holy Land when for $35 per adult you can have the Holy Land Experience and then afterwards have dinner at TGI Fridays? Jesus, I just hope for that price they kill him, again, and again, and again. And that He is Arisen, Again He is Arisen, and Again He is Arisen.

Ok, so maybe you're not into malls, mega-churches, or Disney characters. Then head to one of the natural springs. Try Wekiwa Springs State Park if you're in the Orlando area. Although on weekends there apparently are a lot of Floridians with a yearning for something more natural than a white dude with bad hair preaching about the Pentecost.
There are number of cooter species in Florida. The Florida Peninsular Cooter is fairly common in the runs within Wekiwa State Park.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

levee don't stop me

Two to five inches of rain over a couple of days (graph says 1 week, but most of the rain fell within 48 hours) over about a third of the Missouri River basin was all it took to overtop some levees.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Papal Edict. This means war!

Brasilia--Today the Pope declared war on contemporary art and vowed to raise an army of Cardinals against Puppet Opera, Richard Serra retrospectives, and bananas on buildings. Pope Benedict suggested that contemporary art practitioners silently longed for realism although conceeded that the Church offered little in that regard.

The pope's declaration added to a growing list of prohibited catholic activities. These now include, but are certainly not limited to: marxism, capitalism, socialism, drugs, sex, rock and roll, popsicles, the television show 24, reruns of Friends, Law and Order, and PeeWee's Playhouse, and anything to do with Nascar, the National Hockey League, and Dancing with the Stars.

Pope Benedict suggested that those who disagreed with the edict should kiss his ring. His army of Cardinals were quick to oblige.

time to give it up

In a startling twist at his anti-doping trial, Floyd Landis, the reigning, embattled, and increasingly embittered Tour de France Champion, was asked by race officials to submit one of his testicles for additional analysis. The testy, testosterone-addled Landis who last year mounted one of the most impressive recoveries in Tour history while suffering from the lingering effects of dehydration and a first-class hangover, purportedly did the deed himself and without anesthesia, opting instead for a shot of Jack to deaden his scrotum. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get back in the saddle and defend my jersey" said Landis who later tied a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.
"Lance won 7 Tours and the heart of Sheryl Crow with only one ball so I think you'll do fine", said the the presiding judge, a Mr. Mephistopheles. "Don't worry about false positives," said the judge, "if this one's hot, we can always take the B sample."

Moi research uncovered this startling photo whereby the Maillot Jaune listens to directions on how to avoid doping detection while a teammate preps his veins for a double dose of Jack.

m.o.i.: give it up
m.o.i.: white hat, black hat, yellow jersey
m.o.i.: maillot jaune
m.o.i.: corporate money
m.o.i.: the 2-mile high club
m.o.i.: flance to wear zero for prologue
m.o.i.: you've lost that lovin' feeling

levee failure

Here's how a levee failure is expressed in terms river stage. The first levee fails just before midnight on the 8th and the river stage drops approximately 2 feet over the next several hours as the flood waters go out onto the floodplain where they are ''stored'' to be released slowly into the underlying aquifer and eventually back into the river. This storage can be a significant amount of water. There is a second, smaller failure about 1800 hours on the 9th. What appears to be failures on the 11th and 13th have not been confirmed from ground observations, there may be other explanations for the declines, it's a little hard to say just from the graph. The net effect of these failures are lower downstream river levels, i.e. at Jefferson City and St. Louis, which is one reason why the flood crest is going to be less than originally predicted and why this flood isn't going to be as bad as feared.
The orginal predictions posted by the National Weather Service did not account for levee failures and rapidly changing conditions (more rain, levee breaks) indicates the need to be continously monitoring river levels during extreme events. You wouldn't really want to have to evacuate a large metropolitan area unless completely necessary, and if you're a Republican, then you might never see the need. I think the Republican motto is don't send in the National Guard until you see the white shirts on the rooftops.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

suck on a willow root

The beavers were out today, looking for freshly flood scoured succulent black willow roots on which to snack. Water levels on the Kaw (Kansas) River have dropped precipitously although they are just now peaking on the lower Missouri River below Booneville. The Mo River will remain above flood stage for at least a week to ten days barring no more rain. More precipitation, especially anything nearing a repeat of the rains from last weekend would spell major disaster from Kansas City to St. Louis.
Here's a high water mark in a tree upstream approximately 2 miles from Eudora Kansas. That's a 230 cm paddle for scale and it's resting approximately 75 cm off the ground. Although difficult to see, debris was lodged approximately another blade length (~75 cm) higher in the tree. However, given the size of this tree it was likely bent over some during the flood so the actual flood elevation was likely about the end of the paddle or about 400 cm above the current water surface. 400 cm = 13.1 ft for les Americains. Access to the Kaw River at Eudora is via a 1 mile stretch of the Wakarusa River. If all streams had a riparian corridor that looks like the lower Wakarusa River the world would be a very different and better place. Fifty to 70 percent tree canopy along there. Very nice.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

celebrity chefs to square off in FeO2 Chef

Worldwide Anthill Headquarters exclusive - you heard it here first! Next season on IronOxide Chef, the old Cafe Brenda will take on the new Cafe Brenda in a special All Vegetable Series. Rumor has it that the first basket is likely to include among other things amarath, chayote, yams, fava beans, haricot verts, horseradish, shallots, and tomatillo. And the secret ingredient? Salsify. How about potatoes filled with creamed salsify on a checkerboard of eggplant and tomatoes?

limited access to attorneys

This is my pal Chappe the Chaplain. He was interred for 18 months in Guantanomo Bay where he was forced to work as a carpenter and wear $50 hats (which moi had to buy) Chappe being peniless at the time. Currently he's on a work-release program with Habitat for Humanity and will soon open a new Restore in the 'Dot part of Kansas City. More on that to follow in the coming weeks.

red bird update

Yesterday on my lunchtime walk moi saw America's only truly red bird, the Summer Tanager along with a Baltimore, or Eastern Oriole, a tufted titmouse, and a bard owl. Also observed were a leopard frog, a menage a trois of northern ring-necked snakes, and a very stubborn snapping turtle who was not in the least intimated by colleague, Mr. H., nor should he be. Who knows what we didn't see, but it was a fine walk to see everyone out and about on a robust spring day.

Friday, May 11, 2007

wall to wall

Here are some great false color satellite images of the confluence of the Grand River and the Missouri Rivers. These photos were taken in 1992 (lower image) and then during the historic 1993 flood (upper image). The Grand River is coming in from the northwest (upper right) on these images and then flood waters are filling the entire valley - valley wall to valley wall. The curent flood levels on the Grand and Missouri Rivers at this location are less than in 1993, but appear to be within the top 10 percent of floods since 1900 at this location.
River Refuge @ Alligator Cove (see previous post) is approximately 90 river miles upstream of this location.
Landsat Thematic image. Bands 5, 4, and 2 mapped to red, green, and blue respectively. Images from Goddard Space Flight Center.


This is Capt. Breyfogle's place,, about 25 miles east of Kansas City, just east of a little town called Missouri City. I've never understood the Alligator Cove name, but suspect there's a tall tale involved. The small building is a cabin that was elevated on blocks before being floated over on it's side.

Photos. Vicki Richmond. Missouri River Relief.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

everyone is in complete agreement

This pair of teetotalers have 100 percent approval of the American people. Her Majesty weighs in with 80 percent while the tongue-tied Texan maintains a solid 20 percent. Here they share a toast of Potomac River Valley Special Reserve 2007.

prepare thyself

for the rising waters.

some kind of monster

Ceremonial wand. Presented to Bob Mann on his retirement from the environmental organization, Bridging the Gap.

2004. Cedar, wax, hemp twine, gold-leafed cicadas.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

modesty the first casuality when stable of stars take to the track

Prince Charles, the Duke of Edinburgh, shown here with his trainer, Queen Elizabeth II, edged Star Jones for the largest hat @ the 133rd Run for the Roses held the first Saturday in May at the fabled Churchill Downs. Kid Rock, who blamed his poor showing on a run-in with the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith, finished a dismal 18th in the 20 horse field. It was the first win for the Queen Mother in more than 40 years on the circuit.

deliver us from the gathering storm

Deliver us from the gathering storm,
unworthy though we are.
Keep us living safe from harm,
and hold us in your arms.
Full of dread and dispair are we.
Sinless never more to be.
Deliver us from the gathering storm,
unworthy though we are.
Deliver us from the gathering storm,
and brighten all our nights.
Keep us from the hour of doom,
and guide us by your light.
Full of dread and dispair are we.
Sinless never more to be.
Deliver us from the gathering storm,
unworthy though we are.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Pray Mercy!

Jesus would find the Republican President candidates boring as hell and not very Christian.
Check out their stupidity when you have nothing else to do.

And their hair! What's with that Chip Douglas, my-three-sons, part that both the candidates and the reporters wear? You know there's a closet Uncle Charlie in all their closets. How else did McCain survive the pits of Hanoi Hilton for 5 years? And so what if he did? What he went through on the USS Forestal would made anyone rethink their life.

Sam Brownback thinks 90 minutes is a long time. His wife appeared a bit disappointed.

At least Rudy Guliani is likely to have sex with his wife after this event. The rest of them, yeeechhhh a scary, scary, scary thought - like your parents, you know they did it, how else to explain your existence, but how? Did they experiment? Ever? How about later in life? Experiment then? If Republicans can't dance, then how do they talk about sex? They must have sex, there's certainly enough of them. Do they consider praying forgiveness equivalent to a frank discussion about the topic?

Now this would liven up the Republicans. Nancy Reagen and Mitt Romney. Doesn't he need another wife? Even better. Mitt + Nancy + Hillary. Talk about coalition building. In the strictest Mormon sense of course.
Please moi implores you. Please no, have mercy! Moi knows you mean well. Moi loves the horses, the Old Kentucky Home, the Old Kentucky Bourbon, but do not transfer VT onto Barbarbo. Please no. Mercy. No. Please. No. Please. I beg of you.

Badge. Duck tape on recycled yogurt lid. ~2" x ~3". definitely post-911. guessing 2002. Will check the flow chart for art historians.

take this!

check out Alan Sparhark's version of Murderer on les concerts a emporter de la blogotheque. Concert #46. Haunting lyrics for recent mayhem.

also check out the harmonic simplicity and power of the band Low Low in a Paris bistro. Concert #36.

never seen a bear? nor a squeezebox on Ilse St. Louis? now you can. The Grizzly Bear. Concert #10 and Kria Brekkan, #26.

plus des concerts, allee!, vite, vite.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Cards to replace LaRussa with teetotalling midget dwarf

ok back to baseball. It's really early to be talking about baseball, the temperature is still way too cold here, it's rainy, so I won't really talk much about baseball. Instead let's talk about substance abuse and baseball. You heard it here first. Before the season ends, the Cardinals will have a new manager. Tony, who has his own problem with the sauce and with anger management issues won't last through his sentencing hearing, all the ugly revelations that are bubbling to the surface like a Boulevard Dry Stout over the last few days of Josh Hancocks life, and lack of contention by the defending World Champs in August. Hancock had 2, count ém 2, automobile accidents, whereby his car was totaled in the span of 3 days. One at 5:15 am and three days later the final one at 12:30 am. The Cardinals can hire the Defense Dept. to spin this one and eventually the story will emerge. Friendly fire indeed. Pat Tillman, meet Ira Louvin.

"The first time I hear insincerity, man, I'll start swinging this fungo bat" said LaRussa during a press conference when asked if alcohol was involved in the accident. Threatening fungo bats to a reporter's head for asking probing questions sounds like defensive posturing and one of the first steps and it isn't going to help his situation.

Walt Jocketty the Cards GM, who today stated the organization wasn't responsible for the actions of it's players (except when they are winning pennants) will change his mind if attendance suffers. And it will. People are fickle. They will drink at the game and then drive home. They will laud the conquering heroes, they will let the conquering heroes drink and drive, but when the conquering heroes show fraility they will disavow any knowledge of those actions and pillar them and spend their supplemental money at the bowling alley, softball park, or horse track if only for a summer.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

all homeland is local

Some moi propaganda from the 2003 election. Injet on rag paper. Dimensions vary, this one 11" x 17".

painting the town orange

Kansas City has a new mayor today - the tallest in the land (7' 1") and perhaps the most transparent, Mark Funkhouser. He's promised to listen to the regular folks, not look down upon them, and open up government and I believe he's earnest. There is so much to do in the city in the next few years and trying to find the money and consensus to do it all, well let's hope those auditor skills, love for Abraham Lincoln, and risk-taking take root among all the people. Mark does believe, and repeatedly reminds everyone that the people own the government and THEY have to decide how to make their city a better place. The mayor can only facilitate the process. If you're a total kc politico-geek you can read or listen to his acceptance speech.
Did the previous mayor, Kay Barnes, ever quote anyone other than a sports figure during her tenue? Don't know, but moi is fairly certain that Mayor Barnes didn't quote Kennedy, Disraeli, and John Winthrop in the same speech. Here's to change.

workers of the world unite

Today is May Day. Don't be fooled into thinking this a holiday celebrating those with socialist, if not entirely communist, tendencies although it might be and don't be fooled into thinking this is some kind of remnant pagan ritual to celebrate summer, although it might be that as well. No, this is a holiday about YOU. YOU who toil daily at your job, your life, your attempts to raise a family, your attempts to pay the taxman. Celebrate the passage of Tax Freedom Day, which was yesterday this year. This one's for you and those who came before and stand with you to make the world a better place. So cheer up, do a dance, and have some fun. This world in your world. Make it a better place.

Today we celebrate, among others, the SpaceHijackers, a zany, fun group of anarchitects from London. SpaceHijackers work to transform public spaces, many of which have been co-opted by corporate, back into the realm of the public. Space Hijackers perform actions such as installing public benches in public spaces, holding midnight cricket test matches, and wearing t-shirts emblazed with EVERYTHING IN STORE HALF-PRICED TODAY to mall shops on Buy Nothing Day.

"Is everything instore really half price"

"That's what it says on the t-shirt madam!"


"That's what it says"

All in good fun my friends. All in good fun.