Tuesday, January 15, 2008

don't be a dope, pt.2

We don't know who's telling the truth, Roger Clemens, or his former trainer, Brian McNamee, but we have observed that they both agree on one thing, Roger Clemens likes to take it in the ass. When was the last time you took your vitamins in the ass? Your ibuprofen?

The stakes have been raised now for the Rocket. Does he have enough juice left in his 4-time retired body to get another fast one past us? We may find out today* as he, his former trainer, and former Senator George Mitchell must testify before Congress and under oath about who knows what, when, and how.

His guaranteed Hall of Fame status threatened, Clemens has been challenging people with chin music and live wires. With baseball's antitrust exemption being challegned, MLB has been pulling all the stops to make the dopers go away before spring training opens next month. If cycling is any indication, there are years of doping scandals in baseballs future.

Unfortunately for Clemens perjury isn't something often overlooked by prosecutors, even for 7-time Cy Young award winners. If he testifies and is later found to have been lying, then he can expect the Gold Medal treatment. Marion Jones is serving 6 months in the Big House on a perjury charge stemming from lying about, among other things, steroid use, and check kiting. Now rap stars are being accused of taking 'roids so they can bulk up for the album cover. Is this the reason everyone is so damned angry all the time?

*correction to today's post: Clemens is set to testify on Feb. 13th before Congress. Today's hearing including MLB commissioner Bud Selig and George Mitchell.

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