how to survive the office party

Drink in moderation - before, during, and after.

Wear an Xmas sweater? OK. It might make your colleagues laugh, but will you feel better? Probably not, unless you look good in red and green. Outside of Nicole Kidman, there aren't many who do.

Eat Chinese. Sure. Why not. The atheists in the office won't be offended, nor will the Buddhists, and the company can feign inter-denominational understanding.

Improvise. Here's where those interpersonal retreat workshops can really pay off. Sit next to the bosses' spouse at dinner, be very charming, and really, really listen to them. Ask plenty of questions. Hey, if the boss doesn't listen to you, do you think they pay attention to their spouse? Probably not, and the spouse is likely to do more to raise your profile in a 5-minute conversation during the ride home if you make a good impression than all the ass-kissing you've ever done. So try it. What's the worst that could happen? An affair with the boss's spouse. Ahhh. Maybe that's what is meant when they say, ''don't be afraid to take risks" in the workplace.

In short. Don't worry about it. Every one's in the same boat. If you've already spent 20 years at the office being mediocre so you can draw a pension while you still have a few teeth left, then what's another hour or two?