In a startling twist at his anti-doping trial, Floyd Landis, the reigning, embattled, and increasingly embittered Tour de France Champion, was asked by race officials to submit one of his testicles for additional analysis. The testy, testosterone-addled Landis who last year mounted one of the most impressive recoveries in Tour history while suffering from the lingering effects of dehydration and a first-class hangover, purportedly did the deed himself and without anesthesia, opting instead for a shot of Jack to deaden his scrotum. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get back in the saddle and defend my jersey" said Landis who later tied a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.
"Lance won 7 Tours and the heart of Sheryl Crow with only one ball so I think you'll do fine", said the the presiding judge, a Mr. Mephistopheles. "Don't worry about false positives," said the judge, "if this one's hot, we can always take the B sample."
Moi research uncovered this startling photo whereby the Maillot Jaune listens to directions on how to avoid doping detection while a teammate preps his veins for a double dose of Jack.
m.o.i.: give it up
elsewhere:
m.o.i.: white hat, black hat, yellow jersey
m.o.i.: maillot jaune
m.o.i.: corporate money
m.o.i.: the 2-mile high club
m.o.i.: flance to wear zero for prologue
m.o.i.: you've lost that lovin' feeling
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