Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Cards to replace LaRussa with teetotalling midget dwarf



ok back to baseball. It's really early to be talking about baseball, the temperature is still way too cold here, it's rainy, so I won't really talk much about baseball. Instead let's talk about substance abuse and baseball. You heard it here first. Before the season ends, the Cardinals will have a new manager. Tony, who has his own problem with the sauce and with anger management issues won't last through his sentencing hearing, all the ugly revelations that are bubbling to the surface like a Boulevard Dry Stout over the last few days of Josh Hancocks life, and lack of contention by the defending World Champs in August. Hancock had 2, count ém 2, automobile accidents, whereby his car was totaled in the span of 3 days. One at 5:15 am and three days later the final one at 12:30 am. The Cardinals can hire the Defense Dept. to spin this one and eventually the story will emerge. Friendly fire indeed. Pat Tillman, meet Ira Louvin.

"The first time I hear insincerity, man, I'll start swinging this fungo bat" said LaRussa during a press conference when asked if alcohol was involved in the accident. Threatening fungo bats to a reporter's head for asking probing questions sounds like defensive posturing and one of the first steps and it isn't going to help his situation.

Walt Jocketty the Cards GM, who today stated the organization wasn't responsible for the actions of it's players (except when they are winning pennants) will change his mind if attendance suffers. And it will. People are fickle. They will drink at the game and then drive home. They will laud the conquering heroes, they will let the conquering heroes drink and drive, but when the conquering heroes show fraility they will disavow any knowledge of those actions and pillar them and spend their supplemental money at the bowling alley, softball park, or horse track if only for a summer.

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