Tuesday, August 14, 2007

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Surely I can't be the only person who finds overweight middle-aged white guys wearing fezs and driving very tiny cars in endless loops at high rates of speed around small children frightening. Hell, I'm not even a small child and they scare the wits out of me. And it's not a clown thing; I don't suffer from FEAR OF CLOWNS. My favorite prank of all time is the one where all the clowns pile out of the tiny car - 16, 17, 18, 19, 20......clowns. Amazes me every time. How do they do it? Clowns, they are special people.

But overweight middle-aged white guys wearing fezs in a car are a different breed than clowns.

You get behind these overweight middle-aged white guys (fez locked safely in the trunk in special feziwig box) going to work, they're driving 20 mph in a 35 mph zone because the only thing they have to do today is go to the post office and then after that, maybe stop by McD's for a 3-hour coffee break and then OH my!, it's nearly 2 pm, how will we ever make it to Denny's in time for the super, super, super early bird special (and what's the hurry?) and they're driving all over the road. Look, honey, Walgreens is having a sale, should we stop? Sure why not, we're down to our last 6 rolls of toilet paper. No blinker, no brakes needed when there's a 50% off sale.

So, just like an episode of the Simpson's, or an upset Lizzie Grubman vacating in the Hamptons, things go awry at some Shriner parade and kids and balloons and popcorn are flying all over the place and people end up in the hosipital.

Do you need a permit to drive one of those tiny cars? If you do need a permit, can you get it at clown school, maybe during the requisite annual requirement for training to maintain you First Class Clown rating? If we don't let people wearing fezs get pilot licenses, then why do we let them drive like the mujahadeen in little towns all across America? What's the bigger, more realistic threat? Shouldn't a little common sense come into play here?

Let's make our parades safe for children again.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

middle-aged? No, you're middle-aged. These are old farts.

m.o.i.@ warrior ant press said...

Although this photo may or may not illustrate the concept, there are benefits of being immature for your age.

Anonymous said...

many

deborah lynne murphy said...

You should see these guys in the Sierra Madre Fourth of July parade!