petraus admonishes war lords to chill out

General Petraus appeared on Capitol Hill yesterday trying to convince Presidential candidates that the Olympic torch can remain safe despite growing reactions around the world and at home that the current practices to protect it aren't working, haven't worked, and won't worked.

Petraus' assessment of the situation can best be described by this quote, "the 3 trillion dollar bottle of champagne has been pushed to the back of the refrigerator". Later, he suggested that a new mascot might be just the ticket to stabilize the surge.

In that end, the Bush Administration has acquired the rights to a giant floating ice cube man, that once installed above the green zone will surely convince all the warring factions in Iraq to chill out for good. Why didn't we think of this before?