there's a new sheriff in town

Recently, while traveling, we encountered a new breed of the TSA posse decked out in flashy, bright blue uniforms. The uniforms have been re-designed to more closely resemble those of traditional law enforcement officers and rumor is that some traditional officers view the possibility of being confused with TSA officials as an insult. Apparently most Americans viewed the old TSA uniforms and those wearing them as frumpy twits who were bent on abusing such powers as forcing you to disrobe in public, making you discard that tube of toothpaste you bought yesterday to cover for the one you forgot two days ago, and confiscating the souvenir Swiss Army knife that was given to you for working 70-hours a week at your 9-to-5.

The new uniforms, a cross between a soothing robin's egg blue and the seriousness of the Royal Navy, now lend an air of authenticity to all your airline travels. And this new breed of TSA doesn't miss anything. An elderly woman in front of me was caught trying to sneak several jars of pickles through the Houston security checkpoint. First she told them that she was carrying souvenir martini glasses in her purse and these might be broken if stored in her carry-on luggage. The TSA agent nodded politely and then proceeded to unwrap the objects, revealing several jars of home-grown pickles, lovingly canned by her daughter-in-law and given to granny during a visit to see her first-born grandchild. The lady was informed that these would be considered 'a liquid'. Granny was not arrested for lying, but was forced to leave them with the agent; Once she departed the area, the agent disposed of them the trash.

One other major change is that badges will no longer be sewn on the uniforms. Instead agents will wear pin-on badges, but only if they have completed a 2-day course that, we kid you not, helps them deal with customers more effectively and in a calming manner. We assume this includes convincing Granny that pickles can be part of a terrorist plot.