warrior ant press: favorite bejing olympic moments

Ten of Warrior Ant Press's favorite moments from the Beijing Olympics.

Vitoria Mitchell was the only person given a protest permit by Chinese officials. Shortly after competing in the 1500-meter race, Australian officials bowed to strong pressure and returned Mitchell to the former penal colony for re-education.

Chinese brought honor to their country and set a new Olympic record by successfully analyzing 25,000 urine samples during the 14 days of competition. Surprisingly, the only athletes to test positive where 4 horses in Hong Kong, who showed elevated levels of capsicum. Their trainers said the positive results were likely the result of using fried jalapeno poppers from Chili (Official Olympic sponsor!) as training rewards.

Chinese climbers were able, with the help of Tibetan Sherpas, to light the Olympic torch on the summit of Mt. Everest. Immediately after summiting, one of the Sherpas unfurled a FREE TIBET flag and began snapping photos that were quickly disseminated via the internet and just as promptly removed by Chinese officials. The Sherpas were forced to descend to Base case 4 without the aid of bottled oxygen.

Pop star Bjork unabashedly celebrated an Icelandic team handball victory. It was the first Olympic Summer Game medal in the country's history.







George Bush, frustrated by his decision not to slap a little volleyball ass and the temporary ban on eating dog, chilled out by snacking on a kitten.

The British were criticized for portraying the Olympic monkey with slanted eyes in this promotional video. The IOC is looking into the matter and may punish the Brits by forcing them to host the next Olympics.

Lin Dan of China was briefly knocked unconscious by a powerful serve from his badminton opponent, the Malaysian Lee Chong Wei. Dan was quickly revived with a cup of bird's nest tea and went on the take the gold medal.

Wang Xiuying (77) and Wu Dianyuan (79) stirred some controversy and dodged repeated doping allegations when they became the oldest competitors to placed gold and silver in the little known Olympic sport of Collective Chutzpah.




Bela Koroli, as a color commentator for NBC, spoke elegantly and passionately about the Olympic spirit and repeatedly praised the Chinese for their transparency, fairness, and competitive spirit.




Cuban Ángel Matos, stoked after his bronze medal tae kwon do match, released a little energy by offering to take on all-comers. He began by kicking the referee's ass who had, Ángel insisted, repeatedly called him, "Catro's pawn" during the match.