Murray's Lament: How Cardinal Nation Turned Bill Murray into a Grumpy Golfer

 Bill Murray's Cardinal Nation Whines Reach Limit of What is Humanly Possible

Bill Murray seems to have lost his comic sense about the hapless Chicago Cubs and their hundred years of World Series solitude. Murry, once one of America's funniest men, has now become a grumpy golfer who keeps believing that his next tee shot won't slice into the rough. And that his beloved Cubs will be MLB relevant in September.  Some might see this as a sign of creeping senility but it's more likely due to the fact that Murray has lived a lifetime of disappointment waiting for the Cubbies to once again be The Boys of October. Lacking Wrigley Field success has driven Murray's laments about the Cardinal Nation to epic proportions; his whining* reaching levels near the limit of what is humanly possible. There hasn't been that much wailing on the South Side since Mayor Daly's baton wielding thugs attacked democracy in Chicago streets back in the summer of 1968.

History of Murray's Lament (whine levels shown in decibels).

Once a promising comedian, Murray has been slowly losing his way. His descent into a life of grumpy baseball depression and three-putting greens can be tied to the continued growth and stability of the St. Louis Cardinals franchise: while Cubs fans struggle to find their way out of poison ivy.  It's likely that Cardinal success during Murray's formative youth played a role in his bitter attitude toward Redbird success.  Having suffered through 9 Cardinal World Series appearances in his lifetime, continued StL baseball successes (despite a managerial change) must seem as though come September, the Cubs emerge from their dugout only to find themselves in the shadow of the Gateway Arch. Then it's 6 more weeks of Cardinals, Cardinals, Cardinals.  It's no longer wait till next year; more like, wait another decade. Since 2000, Cardinal Nation boats a hefty .786 percentage of playoff appearances while the hapless Cubs struggle to keep it above the Mendoza line (.214).

Surprisingly, for a man of his age, Murray just keeps getting louder. If the Cardinals (who, at the All-Star break still own the best record in baseball) reach the 100-win plateau this season and raise another banner atop Busch Stadium, Murray's vocal cords are likely to pop like champagne corks in the visitor's dugout.

*Murray's Lament (in decibels of whining) is calculated as: Cubs winning percentage*100 + Cards winning percentage*100 + years since last WS won by Chicago + Cardinal NL pennants + Cardinal World Series + a conversion factor.  Results are adjusted downward in years where Redbirds lose the Series or NL Championship.