don't try this at home

Last weekend I inadvertently tried to kill myself with food poisoning. When the sign says $10 off per pound for Alaskan Coho Salmon, it's not always a good idea to buy it, even if the fish passes the smell test, the color test, and the firmness test. And if you cook it rare, like you can with high quality fish, then you're taking your life in your own hands. Oh, and if you save the leftovers and scramble them the next morning with a couple of eggs, yep you got it, you're going to be using the 7 words you can't say on television for the next 24-48 hours. Repeatedly.

One thing the experience did teach me though is how inter-connected your intestinal system is with the rest of your body. If you place a toxin in your stomach and it migrates to your intestinal tract and god forbid starts replicating, the entire rest of your body will freak out.

"AhhOOOgah. AhhOOOgah. AhhOOOgah. We've got a major problem in sector 5." "Roger. Cease all motor skills, shut down the cooling system, increase the heart rate, AND NO ONE SLEEPS till we get a handle on this!"

"Eye. Captain, but it's not working, sector 5 is on failsafe."

"Expunge! Expunge! Expunge!"


But you can say them on the internet. Funny how free speech works.